"Step into our time machine, let’s check out the best moments of the ages! Impossible, you say? Stephen Hawking suggested that the fact that we, present we, have never seen a time tourist proves that we will never invent a functioning time machine. That assumes we would know how to identify a time tourist. It also assumes that our age has something special to offer a time tourist. What if our present is simply not interesting enough for future humans to visit? Is our age the Akron Ohio of time? (Who would travel here on purpose?) The discriminating cosmopolitan time traveler of the future would choose only the most remarkable moments in time to witness. The instant of the snapshot of the last living Passenger Pigeon: that will be one of the most popular destinations for touring time voyagers. They will have all seen the photograph and they will want to go back and see the moment with their own eyes. Mortal concerns concern mortals. Einstein told us with great abstract confidence that wormholes, black holes and faster than light speeds theoretically would allow us to slip out from the grip of linear time. But Eisenberg suggests simpler means to bend time and space: “a record is a time capsule and a phonograph is a time machine.”